Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
