My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
love makes seman taste better
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
