This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
