I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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