Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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