I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
We are all done wearing pants today
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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