youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
