If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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