I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
