before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
