I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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