if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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