Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
