Where is the hickey?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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