I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
