Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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