I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
