please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
