I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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