Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
