i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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