i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
