U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
