Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
