The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
