Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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