two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
