You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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