We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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