ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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