fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
