Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
