I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
