i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
