I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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