he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
