Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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