4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
