i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
