I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
