Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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