look no pants
I accidentally had phone sex last night
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
