Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You smell like a Billy Joel song
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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