we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
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