Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
