I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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