We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
