I got chris browned last night
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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