When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
