It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
