we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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