It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
