Your mouth is God's brothel.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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