Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
