I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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